Dating a clinically depressed man
When you date a woman with depression, build a relationship and fall in love with her, her illness does not seem like a huge obstacle.Unfortunately, loving a woman does not automatically endow you with the ability to understand and deal with her depression.You would be patient, you would understand that it will take time, patience and rehabilitation. Just because you can’t see an injury doesn’t mean that it isn’t debilitating. Your natural reaction is to lead them out of this dark tunnel, back to the light. You may think it makes sense, but for the person with depression, nothing makes sense. They can’t be led out of the tunnel, because the fear is too great, the darkness is too dark.When the leg heals and you can walk again, it still can take weeks for it to regain full strength. Depending on how bad the break was, it may alter how you walk, what exercise you can do, even how you stand. I talked in my previous article about how, after my worst bout of depression, it took months before I felt I could do my job properly. Trying to drag them out of this tunnel is more likely to make them curl up and hide than do any good.Indeed, any pressure on a man to open up, or to accept help, often backfires. You will never be able to lead someone out of the dark tunnel, all you can do is stay in the tunnel with them until they feel strong enough to lead themselves out. In many ways, hearing my loved ones tell me about their darkness was worse than living in my own. Men revert into themselves, put up emotional barriers, and shut down. It doesn’t matter that those stereotypes are hopelessly wrong, and decades out of date. However upsetting or shocking what they say is, don’t give advice, just listen. Support them, love them, and be there for them until they find the strength to get better. The instinctual reaction for a male is to insist they don’t need help, that they can manage by themselves. When I was at my worst, everybody I tried to talk to would give me an opinion on how I could ‘make things better’. I just wanted to relay how I felt, and for the person to listen, give me a hug and reassure me that however long it took, they would stay in the darkness with me until I found my own way out. They talked, and they advised, and they suggested, and they tried to help, but they didn’t LISTEN. When they finish, hug them, tell them you love them, and that however long it takes, you will be there until they find the strength to get better.
Again, it’s important to be patient with partners who suffer from depression.These scenarios might seem daunting, but they are only something to prepare for. And if they do, it can actually be an opportunity to bond with someone in a special way and build a lasting relationship.Adam Weitz has been married to a woman with depression for seven years.Even if you choose not to have your activity tracked by third parties for advertising services, you will still see non-personalized ads on our site.